cognitive dissonance

I’m sitting on the rooftop patio of studio 6 at the Turner Broadcasting Center in downtown Atlanta with Dr. Patrick Finerty, Jr. It’s a beautiful day outside, the sun is shining and a cool breeze wafts air perfumed by the nearby blossoming trees our way at unexpected intervals. Patrick, with short-cropped salt and pepper hair, is wearing some black Doc Martens with blue jeans and a lovely yellow polo shirt.

We’re here to talk about, well, exactly, what it is that Dr. Finerty does during most days. So, how about a brief introduction for us?

Basically, I work for an organization that measures the 3D shape of proteins so we can get information about how they work. We think that this information helps us to understand what goes wrong when you get sick and then to possibly do something about it.

So, you want to cure diseases or something? Do you actually believe that? I mean, how many new drugs have been produced because of your work?

Uh. None. I don’t think there are any actually.

Is that your idea of success?

No. My idea of success is sending a hard route or getting a difficult experiment to work well. Is asking these ridiculous questions your idea of success?

Right. So, the reason there aren’t any nifty new therapies is because the results of our research is too recent for the work to have progressed that far.

Anyway, since you seem pretty clueless (here, have two, they’re cheap), please allow me to do your job for you. That’s not what we should be talking about. You should ask me how we measure the protein’s shape or something tricky like that, ya know? Or maybe about how we can tell when a protein sticks to something. Or even, like, what the hell is a protein anyway?

I see you’ve decided to try to run the interview today. I’m not sure why you think you get to ask the questions here but I can tell you it’s gonna get old fast so put a sock in in it, Chatty Cathy. Now, shall we continue?

Uhhh, yeah, whatever. I’m just trying help here. You seem to be struggling a little or maybe you’re just uncomfortable in those unbelievably tight jeans, which I appreciate, I might add.

Uh, thanks. Thank you oh so much for sharing. So, about these proteins. What kind of camera do you need to take those amazing protein pictures you have up in your fabulously decorated laboratory?

A really, really nice one. Also, it uses x-rays instead of visible light. And it doesn’t have lenses so we have to use some tricky math to translate the x-ray pattern into something that makes sense to you and me.

So, do you use X-rays just because it sounds cool or is there some scientific reason?

It turns out that you have to use a wavelength of light that is similar to the size of the features you’re trying to see so that’s why we use the X-rays. X-ray light has very small wavelengths and can resolve atomic-level details. The wavelength of light that people use to see, like with our eyes, is actually pretty big, around 400 nm. That’s giant in terms of the size of proteins so we need X-rays, which do not have giant wavelengths, but are just right.

Gee, that wasn’t as painful to understand to as my editor told me it would be. I’m not even bleeding out of my ears yet but, in spite of that, I find myself wanting to leave. Perhaps we should wrap things up here, ok?

Fine with me. The time next it’s a sunny day and you’d like to interview me I’d prefer it to be a beach setting with you in a nice sarong or something instead of those tight jeans, which I enjoy, but aren’t really a good outfit for the beach.

Well, I’ll certainly take that advice under consideration should I ever find myself having to spend time with you again. Thanks so much for making my day a bit more weird and slightly unpleasant.